Monday, January 20, 2014

"Love and Loss" [Facebook post from 01-12-2014]

I've read several posts lately from friends upset in relationships that haven't worked out, or maybe they've given their hearts to those who haven't reciprocated for one reason or another; some have suffered losses--a beloved pet or family member (one and the same, I know). I'd like to pass along something I first read many (many) years ago. Britain's longest-serving poet laureate (and its first), Alfred, Lord Tennyson, wrote a lengthy ode after the passing of one of his oldest friends...yes, a man who had been a school chum well liked by thousands: Arthur Hallam. You probably know these last lines of one of the final cantos of the poem. The idea applies to all of the situations I mentioned. The point? Love is never lost when it is given. Why would you keep it? If you love someone in any way, say so, whether your deep emotion is returned or not:

I hold it true, whate'er befall;
I feel it, when I sorrow most;
'Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.

---Much love from me to you, my friends, old or new.

DrDan

01/12/14

"Winter Solstice" [Facebook post from 12-16-2013]

Saturday, December 21, at 11:11 AM (CST), the sun will be directly over the Tropic of Capricorn (23 degrees, 6 minutes south of the Equator).  At that point the Earth will cease its annual tilt of the northern hemisphere away the sun and begin its progress back to the Tropic of Cancer (23 degrees, 6 minutes north of the Equator) on June 21.  Therefore, in the northern hemisphere, December 21st is the shortest day of the year (the shortest time between sunrise and sunset) and, officially, the beginning of winter, although it has been more commonly known as Midwinter and the beginning of Deep Winter.

No matter what calendar date name has been used to label the occurrence, for thousands of years this was considered the beginning of the New Year and a time for celebration for many reasons:  Great feasts were held for several days because cattle were usually slaughtered about this time so that they wouldn’t have to be fed through the rest of the winter.  Beer had completed its fermentation and was ready to drink.  Firewood had been cut and stored to last until spring.  Friends and neighbors gathered one last time before the roads became impassable.  Gifts of clothing, food and drink, playthings, etc., were exchanged in preparation for the coming months of isolation.

We may have better transportation and access to the necessities (and trivialities) of life, but we also have a tendency to build on traditions.  In this country of great pluralities of peoples and cultures, our usual method is to incorporate everyone’s ideals into one “culture” that we all share.

So…if you don’t already have a reason, these are just a few more to encourage you to


GO PARTY!!

“Nature abhors a vacuum.” [Facebook post from 12-21-2013]

This is one of the most hotly debated theories/aphorisms in physics, but the idea is applicable in so many ways to life in general.  A vacuum is the ultimate empty space.  This year has driven home to me the realization that life itself abhors a vacuum; “living” is not truly done alone.  Life—not mere existence—requires connections to others.  When our deepest connections are broken, our need to fill the voids left in our hearts, in our lives, sends us looking for new connections.

Personally, I must have music and art and drama and literature and thought; renewed friendships and new friendships; children’s laughter and tears; mountain air, bright sun, full moons.  I need to touch people emotionally and physically.  I shake hands, and I’m known to hug big—both arms.  My grandsons love and fear Grandpa’s hugs, I think, but they come for more, to be enveloped in what I hope they know is my love for them pinning them to my heart.  I feel as if I’m trying to absorb them, and anyone else who gets into that crush, and make them part of me, to fill the spaces, the vacuum in my heart and in my life.

Vacuums in our lives are spaces of loneliness.  We may be solid, corporeal, mass made of flesh and bone and blood, but we are also spirit—soul, if you will—which has no essence other than love.  The losses we naturally endure when those we love move away for a time or pass from our lives more permanently create vacuums of loneliness that can only be filled by love.  Memories keep the way open, but we have to live and create and feel—need, desire, long for, and love, love, love.

The year about to end has brought me vacuums that feel like black holes sucking the light and love from my life.  Fortunately, my family and extended family and friends both old and new have quickly rushed in to keep my heart open.  I have heard the music, seen the beauty in art and the world, and most of all felt the love of those around me.

When I shake your hand (or, better yet, when I wrap you in my arms), I hope you feel the vacuum spaces in your heart filling up, too.  Most of all, I hope you understand that you are part of the reason I live a full life and have a full heart.  Thank you.  I love you.

djc

12/21/13

Wednesday, October 30, 2013

The Hard Year

“The Hard Year”
Daniel J. Cox (10/15/2013)
Late in the night the wind gave one last, plaintive howl and blew on across the plains, leaving three more feet of snow in a heavy blanket over the lakes and rocks and scrub of the southern Black Hills.   The Hunger Moon hung low and heavy as the next day’s sun began to fade the eastern stars.  Small birds were stirring, sending cloudy cascades of wet powder down on the hunter standing below, sniffing the still, crisp air.  With an anxious brush of his tail, Wolf moved slowly into the faint scent.
That smell was the first bit of hope for Wolf in what had been a crushing year.  Driven from his birth pack by the new Alphas after both parents had died in a rockslide the year before, he had finally found a territory to hunt.  It had been easier after he mated the female who had come proudly into the valley in the early winter, herself cast from her home.  His new mate proved to be a good hunter and the pair established themselves in their valley.  Because it was her first litter and came after a lonely winter, she had given birth to only four pups—three males and a female—at the time when the rivers rushed full with the melting snows.
By the time the coneflowers had opened that spring, their new pack numbered five adults.  Three other young outcast males had presented their throats to the leadership of Wolf and his mate and joined the hunting pack.  They, too, proved to be good providers for the pups and helped teach them the etiquette of the pack.  When the early frosts burned the edges of the aspen leaves, Wolf’s pack had established its first rendezvous and the pups were learning hunting basics.
Then the first too-early storm came raging down the valley from out of the mountains.  The wind drove sleet that stung like porcupine needles.  The pack huddled together in whatever lee shelter it could find, but the hunting had to go on because the storm did not let up.  Instead the air grew colder and the sleet changed to blinding snow.  It piled higher and higher against the rocks and deadfalls, and it came so fast and packed so hard that it all but entombed each wolf sleeping nose-to-tail.  At the height of the storm Wolf’s mate was crushed under a tree that came crashing down in the gale and heavy snow.
The pack’s howls of mourning and frustration were not the first it would sing that lean winter.  In the Wolf Moon one of the males was too weak from hunger to dodge a bull elk’s sharp hoof.  As that month waned, one of the pups simply did not made it through a cold, hungry night.  Wolf now had only two of the younger males and one of his pups left.  The snow was too deep and hard-crusted to get to the mice and rabbits.  The trees had even been stripped of edible bark by the also starving herds of elk, moose, and buffalo.  He and his pack needed meat if they were to live much longer, let alone have a chance of making it to the thaw.
That faint, tantalizing whiff in the air was either an illusion of his growling stomach or the possibility of life for his pack.  He froze in place, perked his ears, and smelled eagerly.  There.  Just a hint of blood—buffalo.  Now he heard the muffled sounds of struggle, and he picked his way quickly but carefully through the snow and around the trees toward that dream of sustenance.
Bull Buffalo had led his herd a very long time.  Year after year he had thrown back the challenges of the younger bulls.  He was still the biggest and strongest of them all, but now he knew he was in trouble.  After the storm had abated, he had begun the herd’s move farther down the foothills and out to the plains where the wind might have blown the snow from some patches of grass.  The shelter of trees and rocks and the shoulders of the hills was good in its time, but there was nothing to eat or drink.  It was time to move.
He had pushed the cows and their few new calves and the young bulls down a familiar trail and seen them safely out of the forest.  Then trotting around the stragglers, the crusted snow had given way under his right rear hoof and his leg had plunged into what was probably a badger hole.  The snow was too deep and the ice too thick.  He couldn’t get his leg out.  The herd had moved on, milling aimlessly, leaderless over the near horizon.  He could still smell them, but he couldn’t get to them.  After several hours of struggle, he was exhausted and bloody from the sharp edges of the icy rocks.  Worse than that, his last great heave had caused him great pain—he had probably dislocated his hip—and he had bellowed his agony, the first real sound he had made, and he knew that soon the wolves would come.
Wolf sat very still just back and to the side of a leafless maple tree about fifty yards downwind of the struggling bull.  It had taken only seconds for him to take in the scene and know Bull was trapped and injured.  The great buffalo was still quite a dangerous beast.  His horns were long and sharp—each one almost as long Wolf’s tail, Bull was so large!  Wolf and the pack had worried the herd often and even managed to take a weakling calf once last summer, but Bull was a formidable foe and Wolf had steered his pack clear of him most of the time.  But Wolf knew the beast was as hungry as he was and weak from his struggles.  The snow around Bull was trampled with his efforts and, near the trapped leg, stained with urine and blood.  It would not be long before he would be unable to even raise his head, let alone twist around to rip and tear and gouge with those dangerous horns.
Wolf knew that here was his pack’s salvation.  They would be able to feast here and take away meat and bones so that the poaching vultures and eagles and coyotes wouldn’t get everything.  It was time to move, however, to make that claim on the prize.
Slowly Wolf stepped toward Bull, downwind still, until he was only fifteen or twenty feet away and then sat to watch.  The Bull finally turned to see and smell Wolf.  He stopped and stared.  They knew one another.  They knew this moment.  For a few seconds they simply looked.  Bull did not cry out.  He was not afraid, and he knew there was no saving himself.  This was the way of things.  He knew which of the bulls would take his place in the herd and was satisfied.  He knew the herd was, in the long run, safe from Wolf and his pack mates.  It had been a long, hard year.
Bull looked at the jagged hills where he had spent his life, then turned to Wolf and lowered his head as if to give permission.  Rising to all fours, Wolf marveled briefly at the great mass that was Bull Buffalo.  He looked to Wolf like one of the hills, brown and snow-covered.  Bull didn’t even shudder when Wolf sang his song of life and joy and greeting, calling his little pack to join him as the sun lifted over the trees to glisten off of the new snow.








Saturday, May 25, 2013

Making Memories


Life is making memories to share, shared memories.  You look hard for someone to be there so that eventually a word, a melody, a smell is a shared reminiscence, or every new experience causes you to need, really need to know it’s shared.  You even look forward to sharing new things you know are coming—the next season, your grandchild, a trip to the mountains.  Forty or fifty or sixty years go by (or only two or three) and a whole catalog of memory is there.

Then suddenly you discover that those memories are all slipping away.  Worse yet, you can’t share them, not those you’ve had or the ones anticipated.  You struggle to get the words to come out.  They’re in your mind, but your mouth won’t or can’t say them.  Every day it’s harder to understand, and finally it doesn’t matter.

You look in the mirror at the person who’s combing your hair and shrug your shoulders at the exasperation that the style just isn’t quite right.  Or you’re surprised when you can’t get the fork in your mouth, and then you don’t have to worry about it because you’re not feeding yourself anymore…or wiping the toothpaste off your chin or putting your clothes on by yourself.  These are new memories, but you’re not sharing them.  You have to live them by yourself; you can’t share them.  They’re only yours.

And it really doesn’t matter.

You’re living in the memories that have been made, reliving them because nothing will be new.  Eventually you’re drawn so deeply back into those fluid moments that they all become like a pool of still water, and you’re sinking quietly down, one breath at a time…softly, easily…breathing out the memories and calling them back.  Until that last one doesn’t quite make the return because it no longer matters.

Then days, weeks, months later you are looking in the mirror, combing your hair, perhaps, and that routine triggers the memory and you are the one alone in that memory.  You’ve looked for ways to share, but the music isn’t yours or it’s only yours, or the smell simply pools in your eyes.  Something you think is new happens or you remember that day when…and you turn to share it, and you’re surprised when you realize that you’re only talking to the dog or an empty chair.

In the middle of the night you are roused from sleep.  You are at a concert or a play or walking down a crowded street or just having a conversation with someone.  It dawns on you that you are alone in your memories.  You’ve not forgotten how to share your life, you’ve just lost most of it, and right there in that moment you want to shout, “Fuck cancer!”…or stroke…or whatever you want to name the thief that has stolen it all.

But it really doesn’t matter.